I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
