He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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