I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
