i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
