To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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