omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
