I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
