I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
