this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
her facebook's as public as her vagina
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
