My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
if only i could text you this smell
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
