Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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