I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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