I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
