just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize