Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
ttyl tear gas
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
