I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
the day after is always just damage control
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
