she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
So many bounce houses so little time
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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