she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
