she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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