Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
