is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Randomize
