I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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