She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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