I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
