Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
