Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
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