my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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