Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
