Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
