I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Randomize
