I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
