He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize