Umm I'm too high to move.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
