That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
