hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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