Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
