i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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