yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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