My liver just broke up with me...
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
