just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
