Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I should be sponsored by Trojan
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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