..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
