Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
