What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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