am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
