Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
