her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
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