I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
