eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
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