he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Two words: blizzard sex
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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