Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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