It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
