What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize