I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
