my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
