I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
