I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
