my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Randomize
