The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize