My first STD was from a foam party
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
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