ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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