u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
