So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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