Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
