I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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