I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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