it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
