oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I still have a little drunk in my system
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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