I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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