I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
