was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
