I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
