I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
