Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
someone owes me an orgasm
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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